Monthly Archives: September 2015

Pedestal

What is ego anyway? The textbook definition says; “A person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.” What is self-esteem? What is self-importance? A pedestal of sorts, where we all sit perched. While our ego delegates the day; what to wear, where to go, whats in, whats out, who’s hot and who’s not. She’s a slut and he’s never cried. She must be crazy. His dick must be big. Everyday we make judgements. Everyday we assert some sort of power to make ourselves feel better, usually at the expense of somebody else.

The stench of this trash is so rancid, we no longer remember what it’s like to be nice. Women compete with other women, rather then rally with one another. We have the same parts and we are on the same team yet, we would cut our sister with a knife for a man? I’m not claiming to be a saint. I have done things I’m not proud of. I am not perfect, nor am I better than anyone else. There is however, a sense of real pride that comes from standing on your own. Standing up tall and proud; using your sense of self-esteem and self-importance to perpetuate the greater good.  Patti Smith once said, “In art and dream may you walk with abandon. In life, may you walk with balance and stealth.”

This is my pedestal.

Pedestal

 

 

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Spider

In reference to some older posts titled, My Chastity Belt and Spider Plant and I, I’d like to take a minute and talk about the spider. To me, spiders are absolutely fascinating. I once went to watch the sunrise on top of this old landfill turned forest preserve near my house. The sunset was divine, and the mosquitos were the absolute worst. On the long walk back to the car, I stopped and noticed a spider weaving its web in the brush. I sat and watched that spider for what seemed like hours, but was only a few minutes. How simple its life, up early working, building its house, in a what was pretty misty morning. I was in awe. I completely forgot about my seemly silly life, always rushing here or there, doing this or that, yet not really doing anything. Somewhere, little spiders are diligently working just building their house. I remember feeling wasteful in this moment. Wasting my time and my energy on things that didn’t really pay off, that weren’t for the greater good. I envied the spider. I wished for such simplicity in my own life. I wanted to do something more by doing less. Marry simplicity with a work ethic.

I view the spider plant as an abstract symbol of an actual spider. The resemblance is almost uncanny! And just like the spider, the spider plant diligently works to make its babies in order to spread its seed. Here again, simplicity and a work ethic in perfect harmony. This plant in particular I have had for over ten years. I absolutely adore this plant. On several occasions I have clipped the babies off and transplanted them in to smaller pots, only to give them away as gifts. Its a very rewarding feeling; gifting. Some places build an economy around it. Simplicity along with a work ethic are spiders’ gifts to the rest of the world.

We could learn a few things from this glorious insect.

Spider Plant

 

 

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Shedding

How many times undone can one person be? Ani DiFranco once said. The skin will always be there, until it sheds. Shedding is destruction on the most molecular level. The dead cells of our skin flake away slowly over time until, every seven years or so, our body has completely regenerated itself. Every cell has been replaced by a brand new cell. Every seven years, we essentially become new. Reborn.

We shed more then skin.

I bleed for several days, once a month. I shed the lining of my uterus because I’m not having a baby. Metaphorically speaking, what is washed out with my menstrual blood is more than just the lining of my uterus. It sheds the bad day I had last week, it sheds every time I allowed a person to hurt me, it sheds my vulnerability, my fear, my regrets, my loneliness, my anger. It reminds me that I, in fact, am still human, it allows me to feel and let go of things that don’t deserve my head space or emotional energy. Every full moon, I bleed. Every full moon, I start over. Female sex organs are located in the second chakra, The Sacral Chakra. This is the epicenter of feeling, emotion, pleasure, sensuality, intimacy, and connection. The energy of this chakra allows you to let go, to move, and to feel change and transformation occurring within your body. It allows you to experience this moment as it is, in its own fullness. This is also the chakra in which life is made. Every month I am reminded of my feminine power. I can make life, I can make breath. Whether I choose to or not, is not the point. The point is that I can.

In this world, in which we all live, it’s easy to forget. Us girls are still considered second class, and once upon a time menstrual blood was considered sacred. Our uterus is in the sacral chakra after all.

This is me shedding.

Shedding

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